two months
September 13, 2013
Yesterday marked two months since my mom’s death. The vastness that stretches between that day and this one is insurmountable and impossible to articulate. It is a space too large to be filled with my sadness, with the shattered bits of my broken heart and the broken hearts of my sisters. Going for two days ...
Read postquitting smoking and trying to post
September 11, 2013
My posting has been fewer and farther between than when I began, I know. And I am also retro-posting sometimes because I have to. I start writing posts just to get a few thoughts out so that I can later come back and more fully vet those thoughts and make them into something worthy of ...
Read postFenton’s last breaths
September 10, 2013
Earlier this week I was spending some time with the rattie boys. They were gone for several weeks following my mom’s death, and I have a fair amount of parental guilt surrounding that. While I know this was best for them and for me, I still struggle with relinquishing them for a time. They are ...
Read postholy smokes
September 8, 2013
Last night I went out with friends and I smoked a cigarette. This coming Wednesday would have been the five year mark since I quit smoking. I have never craved it since I quit, have rarely battled the urge to take a drag. Mostly I’ve thought it was gross and have steered clear of even ...
Read postQuilts of Judgment
September 3, 2013
It’s entirely possible that I spoke way too soon about how I used to leave carts in stores, but now I don’t anymore because I’m a big girl and I’m good at life and all that. It’s entirely possible that I jinxed myself in saying that. It’s entirely possible that just a few days later, ...
Read postsensory processing disorder
August 31, 2013
One of the super delightful and charming* elements of Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) is that it completely rules your life. My mom knew early on that there was something different about me, and she sought all the help that was available in the early-to-mid-80s, which wasn’t much in the blue collar town of Decatur, Illinois. She ...
Read postgrieving on a jet plane
August 26, 2013
Grieving is such challenging work. Tomorrow marks six weeks since we buried our mother. I can feel some people groaning, shifting uncomfortably at that. So you’re still having feelings about that? Do we have to talk about it? Yes. Yes, we do. Or at least *I* do. Because it’s not over. There is no such ...
Read posteasy like Sunday morning
August 25, 2013
Sundays are often a day where I spend several hours cooking and cleaning to prepare for the week ahead. It is Family Day here at Casa De Nail (I forgot to mention that one of my favorite nicknames is “Nail”, courtesy of my friend Jenny; I’ll probably go by that nickname here full time). This ...
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big plans
August 24, 2013
Usually I am not the kind of person who lives for the weekend. I tend to enjoy throwing myself into my work or school or whatever endeavor I find myself immersed in, so rarely do I find myself counting the minutes until 5:00pm on Friday. This has shifted somewhat since my mom died, and I ...
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Professional M-ass-age
August 23, 2013
As one of millions of uninsured Americans, I must find creative ways to treat the issues that plague me. Often the homeopathic remedy is healthier than rushing to the doctor for antibiotics, which is a common approach in our culture, though it is becoming less so. Were I insured, I probably would still employ some ...
Read postCongrats, you made it to the end! Once more with feeling.