PantslessWeirdo logo - Colorized inkprint of woman sitting at her writing desk

Pantsless Weirdo


Unfocused Essays from My Basement

holy smokes

Last night I went out with friends and I smoked a cigarette. This coming Wednesday would have been the five year mark since I quit smoking. I have never craved it since I quit, have rarely battled the urge to take a drag. Mostly I’ve thought it was gross and have steered clear of even …

Quilts of Judgment

It’s entirely possible that I spoke way too soon about how I used to leave carts in stores, but now I don’t anymore because I’m a big girl and I’m good at life and all that. It’s entirely possible that I jinxed myself in saying that. It’s entirely possible that just a few days later, …

sensory processing disorder

One of the super delightful and charming* elements of Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) is that it completely rules your life. My mom knew early on that there was something different about me, and she sought all the help that was available in the early-to-mid-80s, which wasn’t much in the blue collar town of Decatur, Illinois. She …

big plans

Usually I am not the kind of person who lives for the weekend. I tend to enjoy throwing myself into my work or school or whatever endeavor I find myself immersed in, so rarely do I find myself counting the minutes until 5:00pm on Friday. This has shifted somewhat since my mom died, and I …

Professional M-ass-age

As one of millions of uninsured Americans, I must find creative ways to treat the issues that plague me. Often the homeopathic remedy is healthier than rushing to the doctor for antibiotics, which is a common approach in our culture, though it is becoming less so. Were I insured, I probably would still employ some …

the ex factor

In realizing that I had referenced two of my ex boyfriends by my sixth post here, it occurred to me that perhaps I should elaborate. Some people collect Precious Moments figurines, some people collect cars, some people collect stamps. Me? I apparently collect ex boyfriends. This was never part of my life plan, it’s just …

pop-ins

Recently I was on the phone with an ex boyfriend of mine with whom I still maintain a reasonably good rapport. That’s an awkward mouthful, and I could just say a friend, but the fact that we were once romantically involved is relevant to the story in that we cohabited for a little over a …