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Pantsless Weirdo


Unfocused Essays from My Basement

two months

Yesterday marked two months since my mom’s death. The vastness that stretches between that day and this one is insurmountable and impossible to articulate. It is a space too large to be filled with my sadness, with the shattered bits of my broken heart and the broken hearts of my sisters. Going for two days …

holy smokes

Last night I went out with friends and I smoked a cigarette. This coming Wednesday would have been the five year mark since I quit smoking. I have never craved it since I quit, have rarely battled the urge to take a drag. Mostly I’ve thought it was gross and have steered clear of even …

grieving on a jet plane

Grieving is such challenging work. Tomorrow marks six weeks since we buried our mother. I can feel some people groaning, shifting uncomfortably at that. So you’re still having feelings about that? Do we have to talk about it?  Yes. Yes, we do. Or at least *I* do. Because it’s not over. There is no such …

big plans

Usually I am not the kind of person who lives for the weekend. I tend to enjoy throwing myself into my work or school or whatever endeavor I find myself immersed in, so rarely do I find myself counting the minutes until 5:00pm on Friday. This has shifted somewhat since my mom died, and I …