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Pantsless Weirdo


Unfocused Essays from My Basement

The Twelfth

Mom, I’ve always thought that the “f” in “twelfth” was unnecessary. We don’t use an “f” in any of the other spellings, like tenth, eleventh, thirteenth, or thirtieth. I remember when I was little, the way you would lament the complexities of the English language. “Shouldn’t we say you put your bewt on your fewt …

Life in snippets

Ten weeks ago I was furiously cleaning my house in anticipation of possibly going into labor, though I had no idea that I would actually give birth in just a couple of days. My swollen feet matched my ripe belly, and I was fueled purely by frustration. I did not love being pregnant. I did …