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Pantsless Weirdo


Unfocused Essays from My Basement

The Twelfth

Mom, I’ve always thought that the “f” in “twelfth” was unnecessary. We don’t use an “f” in any of the other spellings, like tenth, eleventh, thirteenth, or thirtieth. I remember when I was little, the way you would lament the complexities of the English language. “Shouldn’t we say you put your bewt on your fewt …

Sixty-third

Dear Mama, Happy birthday. You would have been 63 today. You would have hated being in your 60s, I’m sure. Still, I think you would have aged well given the chance. I hadn’t realized how little I have written here because I have written here, I just haven’t published. This blog has 85 published posts, …

Tonic immobility

For two weeks after the election, I walked around in a thick haze of confusion and grief. I grieved for the nation I thought we were, for the terror that many people I care about were now facing, for the uncertainty of the four years that lay ahead. We need to give him a chance! People …

Toxic Smoke Meltdown

Some days, being an adult is near impossible. Yesterday was one of those days. I am naturally more introverted than extroverted, which means that in order to replenish my energy I need to be away from crowds, people, noise. Truthfully, I need to be at home. I can recharge away from home (in a hotel room while …

Uncle Tom & Aunt Cathie

Spike. Spike. Spike. I love you. I love you. Spike, I love you. My Uncle Tom spoke the universal words of endearment quickly at first, then more slowly, enunciating each word, his mouth moving methodically beneath the mustache he had worn since before I was born. I… love… you. He was perched on the edge …

Six Long Months

We knew January 12th was going to gut us no matter what. Six months is a significant amount of time for your mother to be dead. Any amount of time is significant when you’re talking about your mother being dead, really, but six months has a certain something about it. That’s half a year. It’s a …

five months

It was five months ago today that you left us. My sisters and I tried to have Thanksgiving without you and it didn’t work. I had a meltdown the way I often do, and you weren’t here to talk me through it. You weren’t here to remind my sisters that my withdrawal, my feral child …