holy smokes

Last night I went out with friends and I smoked a cigarette. This coming Wednesday would have been the five year mark since I quit smoking. I have never craved it since I quit, have rarely battled the urge to take a drag. Mostly I’ve thought it was gross and have steered clear of even … [Read more…]

grieving on a jet plane

Grieving is such challenging work. Tomorrow marks six weeks since we buried our mother. I can feel some people groaning, shifting uncomfortably at that. So you’re still having feelings about that? Do we have to talk about it?  Yes. Yes, we do. Or at least *I* do. Because it’s not over. There is no such … [Read more…]

big plans

Usually I am not the kind of person who lives for the weekend. I tend to enjoy throwing myself into my work or school or whatever endeavor I find myself immersed in, so rarely do I find myself counting the minutes until 5:00pm on Friday. This has shifted somewhat since my mom died, and I … [Read more…]

The angel opens her eyes

Exactly one month ago my mother died. My mom. Mama. I write those words, say them aloud to people, say them aloud to the dog, to myself when I am alone. My mom is dead. She passed away. She’s gone. I say them and I write them, but still they are not real. They are … [Read more…]