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Pantsless Weirdo


Unfocused Essays from My Basement

criminally smooth

Sometime in the early-mid-nineties when I was about ten, my oldest sister and I were spending the summer with our dad and step-mom in a sleepy Midwestern town with a population of less than a thousand. They both worked all day, and our step-brother and step-sister were usually away at their dad’s house or at …

Vagina havingness

Vagina havingness is a condition that affects around half of the world’s population. It is a tricky predicament in that vaginas and their auxiliary parts are simultaneously delicate and tyrannical. Caring for that whole system is sort of like caring for a terrarium or a saltwater fish tank in that the meticulous attention required to keep …

Humor Tools

For many of us, humor is our survival kit, loaded with all the tools we need to stay alive and functional. We drag it around with us and pull out various items as necessary, mechanisms we use to avoid making everyone around us uncomfortable. Unadulterated sadness, anguish, and despair makes human squirmy and so we …