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Pantsless Weirdo


Unfocused Essays from My Basement

Christmas porn

I think I’ve mentioned before that the holidays were always a little strange for my sisters and me growing up. Sometimes we spent Christmas with our dad in Illinois while our mom stayed behind in Georgia. She was always incredibly sad about the holidays anyway, having lost her own parents tragically and having no real …

couch surfing

Ten years ago, I was semi-homeless in the Quad Cities and had been that way for months. Since the end of the previous summer, I had been staying wherever anyone would let me crash. Most of what I owned I kept in a large duffel bag that was stashed either wherever I happened to be …

clean eating

In a recent post, I discussed issues surrounding food and bodies. As part of this, I have to bring up my general disdain for all the various approaches to foods nowadays. This is going to make me sound like a curmudgeon, and possibly a bumpkin. You are going to be overcome with an impulse to …

five months

It was five months ago today that you left us. My sisters and I tried to have Thanksgiving without you and it didn’t work. I had a meltdown the way I often do, and you weren’t here to talk me through it. You weren’t here to remind my sisters that my withdrawal, my feral child …

Christmas vat of fat

As the Christmas season descends upon us, it is impossible to escape the fat and food shaming that has become such a pervasive aspect of our culture that even the holidays are apparently not immune. Oh, I guess I’ll eat this cookie, but I’m going to be so fat thanks to Christmas. I’m definitely going to have …