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Pantsless Weirdo


Unfocused Essays from My Basement

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Oliver

August 6, 2013


Since we are still getting to know each other, I want to introduce you to my immediate family, my critters. They each get their own post because they each are so wonderfully unique. First, let’s meet Oliver, a Fancy Rat. He’s Extra Fancy when you get right down to it.

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Oliver is the kind of guy who wears expensive hair product, plucks those pesky strays between his eyebrows and sometimes tans in a tanning bed. Every now and again he pops his collar. He’s outgoing and in your face and has been known to do the dreaded Walk of Shame more than once, though he’d definitely refer to it as the Stride of Pride. He likes to puff out his chest and get all up in your business, and he loves a good Jager bomb. When he and his brahs head out on the town, he usually spritzes himself with just a little bit too much cologne.

If you can get past the tough guy exterior, though, this macho man is as sweet as they come. Sometimes he’s a little resistant, but mostly he loves to snuggle and I even caught him reading a book once, though he swore me to secrecy. He has an image to maintain, after all.


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